Powerful but true.

It wasn’t overt.
But there was a knowing.
It appeared in subtle ways.
“That’s an impossible training schedule.”
“You’re not 24.”
“You need more time than that.” 

But my mind said yes.
My ego said there’s a way.

There was a stress-
The tension that comes
When you ignore that still small voice.

I felt it when I said yes & filled out the application.
Felt it more after I got the official notice –
I had been accepted.

I pushed down the feeling with excitement.

I knew this feeling.
There have been times when I ignored my inner knowing before.

And still this time,
My head said yes, AGAIN.

It seems symbolic that I literally missed the break.

Coming down the hill. . .
I reached my hands out for the brakes.
Like thousands of times before.
. . .But my right hand missed. . .
. . .a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. . .
. . .a futile attempt to compensate. . .
. . .seeing my wheel go into the dirt. . .

And there I was barely able to move. . .
I sat in the dirt and let out a wail of a scream. . .
Knowing full well no one could hear.

Minutes later an angel appeared
. . . An angel in the form of a nurse driving down the road.
. . . the ambulance, the ER, the ICU
. . .Conscious throughout it all.

Now I listened:
“No. No spinal surgery.
Let’s see if it will stabilize without it.”

I said “let’s see.” but I felt I knew.
The neck brace officially came off yesterday.
I’m on my way . . .

Now I will continue to listen.
The body knows. 

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